“- Samuel Pepys: Your performance of the man stuff seemed so right, so true. I suppose I felt it was the most real in the play.
- Ned Kynaston: You know why the man stuff seemed so real? Because I'm pretending. You see a man through the mirror of a woman through the mirror of a man. You take one of those reflecting glasses away it doesn't work.”
Hugh Bonneville - Samuel Pepys
Billy Crudup - Ned Kynaston

“Bam just took a golden dildo up his ass at high speeds. That's what happened.”
Manny Puig - himself

“- David Suarez: I don't have to tell you that you performed magnificently.
- Judith Singer: Oh yes you do.
- David Suarez: You performed magnificently.
- Judith Singer: Thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse me - I have to go throw up.”
Raul Julia - David Suarez
Susan Sarandon - Judith Singer

“We will now present for your entertainment the most stupendous, magnificent, super-colossal spectacle! On this tiny, little, insignificant ball, we will construct for you a pyramid! Not of wood, not of stone... pyramid, of ponderous, pulsating, pulchritudinous pachyderms!”
Herman Bing - The Ringmaster

“- Joseph Tura: Her husband is that great, great Polish actor, Joseph Tura. You've probably heard of him.
- Colonel Ehrhardt: Oh, yes. As a matter of fact I saw him on the stage when I was in Warsaw once before the war. What he did to Shakespeare we are now doing to Poland.”

Jack Benny - Joseph Tura
Sig Ruman - Colonel Ehrhardt