- Todd: You know, I was in love once, but she said I wasn't financially reliable and she needed that.
- John: Now, by "she", do you mean "he"?
- Todd: No.
- Beefy: Busted!
Allen Covert - Todd
Jonathan Loughran - John
Robert Smigel - Beefy

“Howard, we want you to know: you're our son, and we'll always love you, gay, straight, red, green, if you rob a bank, if you kill someone.”

Debbie Reynolds - Berniece Brackett

“- Ned: So, who's the lucky chap? What's his name?
- Rachel: Her name is Luce.
- Tessa: Luce? As in a woman? As are you a woman? So you mean you two are lesbifriends?
- Rachel: It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to happen.”
Anthony Head - Ned
Piper Perabo - Rachel
Celia Imrie - Tessa

“Keeping my love for you a secret from the world seemed like a betrayal of that love. Now I know that I don't need anyone else to know about us. We are in love and even if a closet must protect our love it will never contain.”

Luke Kirby - Angelo Barberini

“I don't know what the world has come into: women in love with buggers and buggers in love with womanizers.”
Jonathan Pryce - Lytton Strachey