“- Paul DuChard: Anything wrong?
- Lou Peckinpaugh: Oh, no, no. No, it's, uh, my mistake here, uh. For a second here I thought that this young lady was a girl that I knew in France; I was wrong; the girl I know is dead.
- Paul DuChard: Oh, a natural error, monsieur. My wife has been mistaken for dead girls by many men.”

Fernando Lamas - Paul DuChard
Peter Falk - Lou Peckinpaugh

- Artie Mitchell: You're the most beautiful woman in this hot tub.
- Jamie the "Actress": So, where's your wife?
- Karen Mitchell: She's right here, asshole!
- Jamie the "Actress": Bitch.
- Artie Mitchell: Honey!
Charlie Sheen - Artie Mitchell
Kim Poirier - Jamie the "Actress"
Nicole de Boer - Karen Mitchell

“Danny is working on his next ex-wife.”
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“- Beth: The police are here.
- D-Fens: Beth, did you know that in some South American countries it's legal to kill your wife if she insults you?”
Barbara Hershey - Beth
Michael Douglas - D-Fens

“You screw my wife, I screwdrive your head!”
Asbestos Felt - Tom Russo