“I'll forgive him when I go to college. That's when I'll forgive him. I can't go, can I? Because he took all the money out of my college fund, and bought Mexican black tar with it. And you're asking me to forgive this guy. No way.”

Shia LaBeouf - Kelly Ernswiler

“- Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.
- Judge Elihu Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”
Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan
Ted Knight - Judge Elihu Smails

“My old lady couldn't afford to send me to college. So I got a job. I was washing dishes, dumping trash... all that sort of shit.”
Eric Freeman - Ricky Caldwell

“- Dawn Weiner: I don't want to go to Disney World.
- Mark Weiner: Don't be stupid. If nothing else, it'll look good on your college résumé.”
Heather Matarazzo - Dawn Wiener
Matthew Faber - Mark Wiener

“- Shaun: I have to go to college.
- Cindy: Why?
- Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.”
Colin Hanks - Shaun Brumder
Catherine O'Hara - Cindy Beugler