“- Elliott James: You know what my problem is? The way they smell. The perfume of their skin. It's, it's so intoxicating. I told my wife I'd never even look at other women if only I could cut off my nose.
- Michael Burgess: What'd she say?
- Elliott James: She said I was aiming too high.”

Sir Michael Caine - Elliott James
Alan Alda - Michael Burgess

“- Doctor Li: You smell good. You wear incense to scare away evil spirits?
- Linda Low: Oh no, to attract them!”
Kam Tong - Doctor Li
Nancy Kwan - Linda Low

“- Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
- Maxwell Smart: No, no, I... I was, but I'm not... I'm staring again.”
Anne Hathaway - Agent 99
Steve Carrell - Maxwell Smart

“- Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
- Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you so high.”
Anne Hathaway - Agent 99
Steve Carrell - Maxwell Smart

“- Maxwell Smart: Well, you were no help at all.
- Agent 99: How could I help? I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
- Maxwell Smart: I never said dusty.”
Steve Carrell - Maxwell Smart
Anne Hathaway - Agent 99