“- Danny: I did a real stupid thing that inadvertently led to the death of a United States president, I'm feeling pretty lousy about it.
- Frank Stockburn: Well son, look at my eyes... Shit happens!”
Luke Wilson - Danny
Nick Nolte - Frank Stockburn

- Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery: You can't say that. That is a diss. I ain't no ox moron.
- Bill Rago: No, no, no not “ox moron”, schmuck! Oxymoron.

Kadeem Hardison - Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery
Danny DeVito - Bill Rago

“- Rod Kimble: You look pretty.
- Denise: What?
- Rod Kimble: I said you look shitty.”
Andy Samberg - Rod Kimble
Isla Fisher - Denise

- Limo Driver with Sign: Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay!
Harry Victor - Limo Driver with Sign
Dennis Farina - Ray "Bones" Barboni

“Mister President, we must not allow a mine shaft gap!”
George C. Scott - Gen. 'Buck' Turgidson