“Note to self: making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.”
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“- Nina Brewster: Do you know what it is when you trade sex for money?
- Jackie Truman: Advertising!”
Queen Latifah - Nina Brewster
Katie Holmes - Jackie Truman

“- Principal Holmstead: How am I ever going to get through to you?
- Kelly Ernswiler: Well, advertising executives use status and sex to appeal to my demographic.”
Hattie Winston - Principal Holmstead
Shia LaBeouf - Kelly Ernswiler

“Hey guys, welcome to the party. If you're gonna have sex, please... do it in my parents' bedroom.”
Rob Benedict - Preston Wasserstein

“- Debbie Thompson: Are there gonna be girls at the party?
- Rick Gassko: No... it's a 'stag' party, and that means that the 'does' stay home!
- Debbie Thompson: I'm not talking about the 'does'. I'm talking about hookers.”
Tawny Kitaen - Debbie Thompson
Tom Hanks - Rick Gassko