“- Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
- Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir?
- Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girlie-girl every fifteen minutes.”
Orson Bean - Dr. Lester
John Cusack - Craig Schwartz

“Whoa! Look at those wrinkles. What is holding this woman together?”

David Spade - Kuzco

“- John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.
- Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“- Jon: Did you say I have only one testicle?
- Dr. Aviano: That's right.
- Jon: Nope, nope. Oh no!
- Dr. Aviano: Don't be upset, one is all you need. The other is just sort of a back up. It won't affect your sex life.”

Tom Selleck - Jon Aldrich
Omar Cabral - Dr. Aviano

“- Al Connelly: You slept with a sixty year old?
- Eddie Hicks: Hey, when you work in the physical therapy industry - you make friends fast.”
Freddie Prinze Jr. - Al Connelly
Shawn Hatosy - Eddie Hicks