“- PC Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
- Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life.
- PC Danny Butterman: What's the second most painful?”
Nick Frost - PC Danny Butterman
Simon Pegg - Nicholas Angel

“- Master Doe: I have a mortal wound.
- Master Tang: Where? Where does it hurt?
- Master Doe: Oh, pretty much around the big bloody spot.”
Chi Ma - Master Doe
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang

“- Les clones: Does it hurt?
- Mademoiselle Bismuth: Yes, I'm allergic to steel.”

Dominique Pinon - Les clones
Mireille Mossé - Mademoiselle Bismuth

“- Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan: Ow!
- Olga: That's a woman's sound.
- Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan: Do that again and you'll make it.”

Antonio Banderas - Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan
Maria Bonnevie - Olga

“Shut up! Shut up, and take the pain! Take the pain!”

Tom Berenger - Sgt. Barnes