“I'm gonna walk down that stinkin' runway, open up this faggot robe and wiggle my dick at 'em! And do you know why? Because I want you to have a heart-attack and die so we don't have to do this shit again! You and your fucking fashion shows!”

Allan F. Nicholls - Upton

“- Nancy Huff: Guys. Guys. Guys!
[both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams]
- Brennan Huff: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
- Dale Doback: The clown has no penis.
- Nancy Huff: What kind of dreams are you guys having?”

Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“I kill with my cunt.”
Anne Carlisle - Margaret

“- Eduardo: Barbarosa is dead. He is dead. I killed him with my knife.
- Don Braulio: You bring me no proof. Where are his cojones?”
Danny De La Paz - Eduardo
Gilbert Roland - Don Braulio

“I don't like warriors. Too narrow-minded, no subtlety. And worse, they fight for hopeless causes. Honor? Huh! Honor's killed millions of people, it hasn't saved a single one.”
Bruce Willis - Korben Dallas