“Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: pornos or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.”
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Tyler Durden: Why would anyone want this shit job?
- The Narrator: Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
- Tyler Durden: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.”

Brad Pitt - Tyler Durden
Edward Norton - The Narrator

“- Annette Atkins: [walks in and sees the camera crew] Aw, shit.
- Amber Atkins: Oh, they're from Los Angeles. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie.
- Annette Atkins: Yah, well, if they ask you to take your top off, get the money first.”

Ellen Barkin - Annette Atkins
Kirsten Dunst - Amber Atkins

“- Jam: It's a teenage girl walking along the side of the highway. I mean, they, they, they make scary movies that start out like that.
- Trip: Hey, but, but they make pornomovies that start out like that too, man.”
Sam Huntington - Jam
James DeBello - Trip

- David: Hey, did you ever see "School of Rock"?
- Andy: Yeah.
- David: Well, this is... it's called "School of…" you know...
- Andy: That's nice.
- David: But it stars Jack Black Cock.
- Andy: That makes sense.

Paul Rudd - David
Steve Carrell - Andy