“- Waterfront Bartender: I don't know why you want to waste so much time writing those sappy love songs when no-one wants to hear 'em. Least of all, the woman who dumped your sorry ass.
- Malik Brody: Thank you Doctor! I feel so much better now!
- Waterfront Bartender: The truth hurts, baby.”
Joe Unger - Waterfront Bartender
Kadeem Hardison - Malik Brody

“I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend has won the best woman. I didn't buy you a gift. But this is on loan until you two find your song.”

Julia Roberts - Julianne Potter

“- Roger: [singing] Ti tum ti ta ti, ta tum ti ta tum.
- Roger: Do you like my new song?
- Anita: Ta tum ti ta tum. Such clever lyrics.
- Roger: Melody first, my dear, and then the lyrics.”
Ben Wright - Roger
Lisa Davis - Anita

“We need a songteenagers can bang their heads to in a car. Bohemian Rhapsody is not that song.”
Mike Myers - Ray Foster

- William Miller: Do you have to be depressed to write a sadsong? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing", where did you write that and who was it about?
- Russell Hammond: When did you get so professional?
Patrick Fugit - William Miller
Billy Crudup - Russell Hammond