“- Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
- Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.”
Gary Cole - Cotton McKnight
Jason Bateman - Pepper Brooks

“My mom taught me how to play. She told me mahjong would teach me important life skills: Negotiation. Strategy. Cooperation.”
Constance Wu - Rachel Chu

“Pass, shoot, score!”
Chris Koch - Mark Pavelich

“I like a sporting event in which I know the outcome ahead of time. It's more organized.”
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“The lord wants you to put your foot on their balls and believe in it, because that's what wins football games. Not jumping offsides like a bunch of wimps and faggots.”
Paul Gleason - Wayne Hisler