“- Captain Knewt: Sergeant, I hope you like vodka.
- Radar Analyst Kirkland: Yes, sir. I just hope they don't make me eat none of them damn fish eggs.”

Jason Bernard - Captain Knewt
Billy Ray Sharkey - Radar Analyst

“There must be a con like me in every prison in America. I'm the guy who can get if for you; cigarettes, a bag of reefer, if that's your thing, a bottle of brandy to celebrate your kid's high school graduation, damn near anything within reason. Yes sir, I'm a regular Sears and Roebuck.”
Morgan Freeman - Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding

“- Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette? It's very unprofessional.
- Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink. [sips his drink]”
Andrew Daly - Dick Pepperfield
Will Arnett - Lou Redwood

“I never drink... wine. I do not smoke... shit.”
George Hamilton - Dracula

“I am smoking cigarettes and some of my friends have died of them, but I am not downing a quart of Scotch in fifteen minutes. Looked at that way, cigarettes are actually a health tool!”