“- Dorian Montier: I'd like to be the father-to-be.
- Sally Jackson: You can't be the father and the brother! That's the kind of thing that messes kids up!”
Luke Wilson - Dorian Montier
Drew Barrymore - Sally Jackson

“- Rita: I'd like a grandchild. So, shoot me.
- Kate: All right, Ma. Well, you'll be happy to know I'm looking into getting some eggs frozen.
- Rita: Wonderful. I can tell everyone I'm having a grandsicle.”
Olympia Dukakis - Rita
Jennifer Aniston - Kate

“My father, your son... Holy cannoli, you are my sister!”
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“He's not my dad, he's my stepdad!”

Simon Pegg - Shaun

“Listen, anything you got to say about your mother-in-law, you don't have to explain to me. You know what I mean? Like if she were the star of a real crummy horrormovie, I'd believe it.”
Jonathan Winters - Lennie Pike