“The girl of my dreams lives under my own roof, but she thinks I'm just a kid, a dumb jock, all of which is more or less true. I'm dying, Mr. Tanneran, just like that girl in the poem... only quicker, and with a hard-on.”
Matthew Modine - Louden Swain

“- Matt Jensen: I'm in a dry spell, man.
- Dustin Knight: To be in a dry spell you've had to have been in a wet spell.
- Matt Jensen: I've had sex.
- Dustin Knight: Yeah, with a human, though.
- Matt Jensen: Who's making up all these rules, man?”
Vince Vieluf - Matt Jensen
Adam Brody - Dustin Knight

“- Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
- Matilda Jeffries: Done it in a while, yeh.
- Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel

“- Gynecologist: Are you sexually active?
- Gwyn: Oh no!... I mean, of course I am, but, you know, just not... not currently. I'd say that... I'd say, I'm experiencing a dry spell
- Gynecologist: So you're married?”
Lisa Banes - Gynecologist
Sarah Jessica Parker - Gwyn

“- Glen: Phil, when was the last time you were with a woman?
- Phil: Uh, Saturday... Saturday will be a year.
- Glen: Ow!
- Mitch: Gee, if I had known, I'd have gotten you a cake.”
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins