“- Wayne: 'Know what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
- J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.”
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I command you to leave this child at once!
- Nancy Aglet: Make me, slimeball.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I am a priest!
- Nancy Aglet: Oh, pardon me, your most reverent and holy slimeball!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii
Linda Blair - Nancy Aglet

“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: As soon as your bunks are done, I want you two turds to clean the head.
- Pvt. J.T. 'Joker' Davis, Pvt. Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump.”
R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Matthew Modine - Pvt. J.T. 'Joker' Davis
Arliss Howard - Pvt. Cowboy

“Every man... every man has to go through hell to reach paradise.”
Robert De Niro - Max Cady

“- High Priest: Behind these doors is the Holiest of Holies, earthly domain of the gods. A place so ineffably sacred, so powerful, that he who enters: instant death!
- Oh: Who cleans it?”
Oliver Platt - High Priest
Michael Cera - Oh