“- Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
- Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
- Cindy: Always.”
Kristen Miller - Cindy
Jessica Driscoll - Diana, Principal's Secretary

“I had a date with a pilot last night. Couldn't get my seat back in the upright position. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't.”
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall

“- Marty O'Reilly: This guy you're talking about, he can't sing at all.
- Angelo Pardipillo: He can't sing? Then why has he got such a big band?
- Wally Jatczak: To drown him out!”
Carroll O'Connor - Marty O'Reilly
Robert Loggia - Angelo Pardipillo
William Bronder - Wally Jatczak

“- Lindsay: What 'cha doing?
- Andy: Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
- Lindsay: Oh, you mean a journal?
- Andy: Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm not all smart like you. ”
Elizabeth Banks - Lindsay
Paul Rudd - Andy

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper