“- Averman: Hum, Batter-batter-batter! Hum, Batter-batter-batter, Hum, Batter-batter-batter, Hey, Batter-batter-batter, Hey, Batter-batter-batter, Swing, Batter-batter-batter, Hum, batter-batter-batter...
- Bombay: Averman! It's hockey! There's no batter! Idiot!”
Matt Doherty - Les Averman
Emilio Estevez - Gordon Bombay

“- Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
- Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they suck.”
Nancy Hillis - Terry
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“- Jesse Walsh: Schneider shouldn't have called you out on that last play.
- Ron Grady: Yeah, well, Schneider's got a stick up his ass today.
- Jesse Walsh: Schneider's always got a stick up his ass.”
Mark Patton - Jesse Walsh
Robert Rusler - Ron Grady

“I don't do a huge amount of physical activity. I play tennis, I work out sporadically, and I eat well and take care of myself.”
Harrison Ford

“If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.”
Dean Martin