“- Garth Algar: Well, you know what you can do with your show? You can take a flying...
[a passing jet liner mutes out most of what he says]
- Garth Algar: ...till the handle breaks off and you have to get a doctor to pull it out again!
- Wayne Campbell: You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
Dana Carvey - Garth Algar
Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell

“- Stephanie: There's gotta be more to life than just makin' out.
- Paulette: Y'know, I never thought of it that way!”
Michelle Pfeiffer - Stephanie
Lorna Luft - Paulette

“Life's terribly short girl. Give yourself some pleasure. I'll bet you've never been kissed.”

Stockard Channing - Mrs. Allworthy

“- Major Otto Baumeister: You will find that in your position impertinence does not pay.
- Flying Officer Johnny Hammond: I didn't join up in this war to make money.”
Raymond Massey - Major Otto Baumeister
Ronald Reagan - Flying Officer Johnny Hammond

“You're not being rude, dear, you're just being yourself.”

Claudette Colbert - Gerry Jeffers