“- Anita Miller: It's unfair that we can't listen to our music!
- Elaine Miller: That's because it's music about drugs and promiscuous sex.
- Anita Miller: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!
- Elaine Miller: Yes it's poetry. It's poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they're on pot.”
Zooey Deschanel - Anita Miller
Frances McDormand - Elaine Miller

“- Charlie Dick: I don't have to come crawling after some mean mouthed woman who got a cob crossways. Hell, if I just want to bump uglies with somebody, I got plenty of places to go for that.
- Patsy Cline: Bump uglies?
- Charlie Dick: That's right.
- Patsy Cline: My lord Charlie, what a charming expression.”
Ed Harris - Charlie Dick
Jessica Lange - Patsy Cline

“- Reporter: So, Izzy, how do you keep your voice in such fine shape?
- Chris 'Izzy' Cole: Well, my choir teacher gave me a lot of lessons...
- Kirk Cuddy: He eats a lot of pussy.
- Chris 'Izzy' Cole: Oh yeah, I eat a lot of pussy... tons.”
Mark Wahlberg - Chris 'Izzy' Cole
Dominic West - Kirk Cuddy

“- Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
- Dewey Finn: Well, groupie is an important job.
- Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They sleep with the band!”
Miranda Cosgrove - Summer Hathaway
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Dirt Merchant: Unbelievable!
- Holly So Tightly: What is?
- Dirt Merchant: You've humped half of my record collection.”

Danny Masterson - Dirt Merchant
Jenna Jameson - Holly So Tightly