- Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery: You can't say that. That is a diss. I ain't no ox moron.
- Bill Rago: No, no, no not “ox moron”, schmuck! Oxymoron.

Kadeem Hardison - Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery
Danny DeVito - Bill Rago

“- Rod Kimble: You look pretty.
- Denise: What?
- Rod Kimble: I said you look shitty.”
Andy Samberg - Rod Kimble
Isla Fisher - Denise

“- Kane: He's still a well-meaning fathead who's letting a pack of high-pressure crooks run his administration. This whole oil scandal...
- Emily Monroe Norton Kane: He happens to be the President, Charles, not you.
- Kane: That's a mistake that will be corrected one of these days.”
Orson Welles - Kane
Ruth Warrick - Emily Monroe Norton Kane

“- Bob Wallace: How do you do?
- Doris: Mutual, I'm sure.”
Bing Crosby - Bob Wallace
Barrie Chase - Doris Lenz

“- Maître D': Good evening sir and how are we today?
- Mr. Creosote: Better.
- Maître D': Better?
- Mr. Creosote: Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.”
John Marwood Cleese - Maître D'
Terry Jones - Mr. Creosote