“- Pepi Katona: I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?
- Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.
- Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?”

William Tracy - Pepi Katona
Edwin Maxwell - Doctor

“I'll tell you my approach to medicine! It is a game in which man pits his brains against the forces of destruction and disease.”

Claude Rains - Dr. Alexander Tower

“I remember when I was a kid, there were two medicines: aspirin and Campho-Phenique, that was it. They advertise these prescriptions, and half the time, the side effects are 50 times worse than what the thing cures!”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“You can survive a stroke, but the high prices of medicine will give you a heart attack.”
Bernie Mac - Mitch Gilliam

“- Thurman Rice: There's a cure for syphilis... and it's called abstinence.
- Alfred Kinsey: Penicillin works just as well!”
Tim Curry - Thurman Rice
Liam Neeson - Alfred Kinsey