“- Maria Portokalos: It's a cake! I know! Thank you! Thank you very, very much.
- Maria Portokalos: [whispering to Aunt Freida] There's a hole in this cake!”

Lainie Kazan - Maria Portokalos

“- Server: Spotted dick, sir?
- Roy O'Bannon: What? Can you believe this guy? I'm trying to get something to eat and he's asking me if I got the clap.”
John Owens - Server
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon

“- Bill: OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.
- Edward: [with mouth full] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
- Bill: What?
- Edward: [a little clearer] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
- Bill: Yeah, it is shish-ka-bob. It's a figure of speech, Ed.”
Alan Arkin - Bill
Johnny Depp - Edward Scissorhands

“Figures, hot on the outside, icycle in the middle. Two minutes.”

Pauly Shore - Stoney Brown

“You guys have chickens? I love chickens! Are they extra crispy or original recipe?”
Pauly Shore - Crawl