“- T.J. Krupp: My dad treats my mom like dirt.
- Matt Finley: And my dad's coming up on his second year with Louise.
- Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf: So?
- Matt Finley: So he always divorces in his second year, you know that, it's like clockwork.”
Herbert Russell - T.J. Krupp
Mooky Arizona - Matt Finley
Kyle Howard - Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- John Harris, Sr.: Oh by the way, I'm coming to pick up my kids on Saturday.
- Bernadine Harris: Yeah? If I hear you had 'em anywhere near that tramp bitch, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life!”
Michael Beach - John Harris, Sr.
Angela Bassett - Bernadine Harris

“- Freddy Nefler: You'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.
- Phyllis Nefler: Thank you, Phil Donahue.
- Freddy Nefler: I saw it on Oprah!”
Craig T. Nelson - Freddy Nefler
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler

“You do this for me, and I give you your divorce. And if you don't do this for me, I swear I'll make your life so damn miserable it will make these past few years look like a pleasure cruise.”

Rosanna Arquette - Sophie