“- Sam Burns: You're a very rude young woman. I know Douglas from the Rotary and I can't believe he'd want you treating customers so badly.
- Checkout Girl: I don't think I was treating her badly.
- Sam Burns: Then you must be from New York.”
John Lithgow - Sam Burns
Judy Dickerson - Checkout Girl

“Minimumwage for a maximum loser!”
Alexandra Holden - Lulu

- Billy: She's the only girl that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her... I'm not living. I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again.
- Jessica: [sighs]
- Jake: "Gay, gay, gay, gay."
Matthew Lawrence - Billy
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Eric Christian Olsen - Jake

“I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“Wait a minute. No way! Wait a hot shittin minute. Rule 1: no relative of mine is going to eat hot dogs as long as he is sharing my cabin.”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig