“- Junior Healey: What are you getting onto me for? I didn't do anything. I just watched it.
- Ben Healey: Yes, and so did the entire neighborhood.
- Junior Healey: I didn't hear any complaints.”

Michael Oliver - Junior Healy
John Ritter - Ben Healy

“- Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
- Fletcher Reede: I've had better.”

Amanda Donohoe - Miranda
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede

“My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.”
Rob Schneider - Ula

“You're always complaining, except when we make love. Then you say nothing.”
Qi Shu - Lai

“When we have sex, it feels like shagging a bag of spuds - you lay there like a bit of wet rag.”

George Costigan - Bob