“- Albertine: I’m worried about you.
- Celeste: You’re worried about me? You don’t need to worry about me. I’m solid. I worry about you. Baby, that’s my job to worry about you.”

Raffey Cassidy - Albertine
Natalie Portman - Celeste

“- Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
- Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
- Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!”
Tony Curtis - Joe
Jack Lemmon - Jerry

“- Ed: I'll teach him everything I know!
- Mr. Baily: Oh... God, help me.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Dan Schneider - Mr. Baily

- Charles "Commie" Comiskey: Well we're prepared to give you a 5 yearcontract...
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Lifetimecontract.
- Judge Friend: Lifetime?
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: A man worried about his job is bound to play favorites. Now you gentlemen don't want that do you?

Clifton James - Charles "Commie" Comiskey
John Anderson - Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Dick Cusack - Judge Friend

“Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.”
Fred Willard - Ron Albertson