“- The Old Man Parker: Four minutes. Time me.
- Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Actually the Old Man loved it. He had always pictured himself in the pits of the Indianapolis Speedway in the 500. My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academicsense. They were round, they had once been made of rubber.”

Darren McGavin - The Old Man Parker
Jean Shepherd - Ralphie as an Adult

“- Dick Goodwin: You know, money isn't everything.
- Sandra Goodwin: I'm not the one who came home with a Chrysler catalogue.”
Rob Morrow - Dick Goodwin
Mira Sorvino - Sandra Goodwin

“- Day-Day: I gotta get this money by tomorrow.
- Roach: You could sell your Beemer.
- Day Day: I can do what?
- Roach: Sell your car.
- Day-Day: Sell your mama's car! I'm not sellin' my car for that.”
Mike Epps - Day-Day
Justin Pierce - Roach

“- Shelly Stewart: I bought the car for you! It was only 300 grand! It was a gift!
- Morton Cushman: With my money you bought it! I bought me the gift!
- Shelly Stewart: Jesus, Morty, all I want is a lifestyle, y'know - with some ambiance and some classic eternal good taste!”

Sarah Jessica Parker - Shelly Stewart
Dan Hedaya - Morton Cushman

“- David Clark: What the fuck is that?
- Brad Gurdlinger: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.
- David Clark: So you bought a whale?
- Brad Gurdlinger: Well, I don't like sports cars.”
Jason Sudeikis - David Clark
Ed Helms - Brad Gurdlinger