“- Dudley Smith: For the love of God, don't be a detective. Stick to assignments where you don't have...
- Ed Exley: Dudley, I know you mean well, but I don't need to do it the way you did. Or my father.”

James Cromwell - Dudley Smith
Guy Pearce - Ed Exley

“When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”
Norm MacDonald - Frank

“My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he... he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz... um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.”
Sarah Rose Karr - Emma

“My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.”
Miko Hughes - Joseph

“- Philly: If you're gonna get a new job, you're going to need a letter of reference, from my father.
- Mallow: Well, your father might not think I've been working long enough.
- Philly: I didn't mean for him to write it. But, I know what he'd say if he knew you as well as I do: she was passionate about her household duties.”
Eric Brown - Philly
Sylvia Kristel - Mallow