“- Alex: You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?
- Josh: They're not hookers! They're massage therapists.”
Allen Covert - Alex
Jonathan Loughran - Josh

“- Lady in the Bank: There's something wrong, the bank won't give someone their money.
- Depositor: Well, I'm going to get mine. Come along, young man, every penny! ”

Queenie Leonard - Lady in the Bank
Doris Lloyd - Depositor

“- Dorothy Wheeler: He loves me.
- Ruthie Walker: He loves your trust fund. Trust me.”

Jessica Capshaw - Dorothy Wheeler
Hedy Burress - Ruthie Walker

“- Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
- Clark Griswold: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
- Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.”
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

- Jennifer Baker: You said "Love Cake"!
- Pistachio Disguisey: Why would I say that? Your hindquarters are hideously scrawny!
- Jennifer Baker: What?
- Pistachio Disguisey: What I was trying to say is that I have a present for Barney. [hands her knee pads] Tell him they are from his dad... da da da dat Italian guy... Me.
Jennifer Esposito - Jennifer Baker
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey