- "Red" Baxter: I don't like your faces.
- S. Quentin Quale: I suppose you think we like them.
Robert Barrat - "Red" Baxter
Groucho Marx - S. Quentin Quale

“- General Anatoly Gogol: A common thief. A disgrace to the uniform!
- Orlov: Yes, but tomorrow, I shall be a hero of the Soviet Union.”

Walter Gotell - Gogol
Steven Berkoff - Orlov

“- Mike Brody: You put on weight, you need a shave, and you're too tall.
- Sean Brody: Well, uh, two of out of three I can fix, huh?”
Dennis Quaid - Mike Brody
John Putch - Sean Brody

“The critics? No, I have nothing but compassion for them. How can I hate the crippled, the mentally deficient, and the dead?”
Albert Finney - Sir

“I know we're supposed to give our full co-operation to this stupid and pointless investigation. But when they interrupt one of my classes, it pisses me off.”
Virginia Morris - Mrs. Delowie