“- Dave: You mean we might be a father?
- Dad: No. I might be a father. And your mom might be a mother. And you might be a brother. See, that way I keep it all in the family.
- Moocher: Wow! I didn't think people your age still...
- Dad: The next word may be your last, kid!”
Dennis Christopher - Dave
Paul Dooley - Dad
Jackie Earle Haley - Moocher

“- Sonny Burns: I would like to... go to... bed with you.
- Gale Ann Thayer: To... take a nap?
- Sonny Burns: To have sexual intercourse.”
Jeremy Davies - Sonny Burns
Rose McGowan - Gale Ann Thayer

“- Topper Harley: I'm no good at being noble, but... do you have any idea what would happen if you stay here with me?
- Ramada Rodham Hayman: Of course I do. Sex. Wild, free, passionate, unbridled sex. I would fondle you in ways you can't imagine. I would pleasure you at any time, in any place, in any way, for as long as you could possibly desire.”
Charlie Sheen - Topper Harley
Valeria Golino - Ramada Rodham Hayman

“- Dex: Do you want to have sex with this woman?
- Dave: Definitely.
- Dex: Then you're violating the first rule of being Steve. You must learn to eliminate your desire.”
Donal Logue - Dex
James 'Kimo' Wills - Dave

“- Wyatt Earp: Well, I'll be damned.
- Doc Holliday: You may indeed, if you get lucky.”

Kurt Russell - Wyatt Earp
Val Kilmer - Doc Holliday