“- Alex: Mom?
- Hae-Won: Oh, my god!
- Alex: Yeah. I'll be right there.
- [Onlooking party-goers groan]
- Alex: I'm kidding!
- [All laughing]
- Alex: But thanks for finally laughing, you fucking assholes!”

Bobby Moynihan - Alex
Greta Lee - Hae Won

“Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer.”
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor

“- Agent Simmons: Nokias are real nasty. You've gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai.
- Maggie Madsen: Nokia's from Finland.”

John Turturro - Agent Simmons
Rachael Taylor - Maggie Madsen

“Have you ever dialed 9-1-1? It's like trying to get a mortgage.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“I'm calling from a pay phone because I can't get my piece of shit cell phone to work unless I stand on my head with my fingers up my ass!”
Sasha Alexander - Jackie Samantha Gold