“- Commissioner Brumford: Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.”
Jacqueline Brookes - Commissioner Brumford
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“A good cop will never let you know he knows you're full of shit.”
Robert Forster - Max Cherry

“- Anne Osborne: Why don't you believe that the killers were cops?
- Remy McSwain: Because if they were cops, they would've stayed right here. And when we arrived, we would've found plants, guns, knives, all kinds of evidence that they resisted arrest. That's somethin' every cop in the world knows how to do.”

Ellen Barkin - Anne Osborne
Dennis Quaid - Remy McSwain

“- Maryann: How did you find me?
- Ray Hughes: I'm a detective. I find people all the time.”
Tracy Reed - Maryann
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold