“Ladies and Gentlemen. I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, a season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool.”
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“- Silas P. Silas: You're an asshole.
- Dean Carl Cain: Did you just call me an asshole?
- Jamal King: No I said idiot.
- Dean Carl Cain: An idiot.
- Jeffery: No sir, no sir, I...
- Dean Carl Cain: What did you say?
- Jeffery: I said that this school has nice halls.”
Method Man - Silas P. Silas
Obba Babatundé - Dean Carl Cain
Redman - Jamal King
Justin Urich - Jeffrey

“I'm simple, that's why I teach first grade.”
Paul Rudd - George Hanson

“- Ray: Hey, did you teach your students how to make things like this?
- Mr. Mehlor: Have you been in a high school recently? My students taught ME how to make stuff like this.”
Ricky Harris - Ray
Dann Florek - Mr. Mehlor

“- Richard Clark: I'm Richard Clark, I'm the new history teacherhere. What department do you teach in?
- Teacher: I don't know, something up on the third floor.”
Jon Lovitz - Richard Clark