“- Ed: You have kids, Gene?
- Gene: Two.
- Ed: Yeah? How old?
- Gene: Thirty and thirty-two.
- Ed: Wow, out of the house. Lucky you.
- Gene: Yep. Potty-trained and everything.”
Scott Winters - Ed
Tommy Lee Jones - Gene McClary

“Don't you get it? I'm trying to get away from you! I'm not a little kid anymore! Now just leave me alone, and get your own life!”

Jason Marsden - Max Goof

“- Denise Dahlberg: I've been out riding around with Bruce.
- Jim Dahlberg: All night?
- Denise Dahlberg: Frankly, Daddy, that's none of your business.
- Jim Dahlberg: As long as you live...
- Denise Dahlberg: Oh Daddy, don't start this again, I'm getting married tomorrow.”
Lori Lethin - Denise Dahlberg
John Cullum - Jim Dahlberg

“- Jess Tyler: I am her daddy, and she is staying here with me!
- Billy Roy: Not like she wants to stay, old man, but right now, she wants to go for a ride, so that's what we're gonna do. Sit down and have a glass of prune juice, loosen up.”

Stacy Keach - Jess Tyler
John O'Conner White - Billy Roy

“- Annie Banks: He's an independentcommunications consultant.
- George Banks: Independent?
- Annie Banks: Yes.
- George Banks: That's code for unemployed!”
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks
Steve Martin - George Banks