“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

“- Tori: I am so glad I got waxed today.
- Karen: Ugh, me too. What did you get?
- Tori: The Bald Eagle.
- Karen: I got the Bermuda Triangle.
- Lisa: The Landing Strip.
- Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I got the Buckwheat.”
Jessica Cauffiel - Tori
Busy Philipps - Karen
Jennifer Carpenter - Lisa
Marlon Wayans - Marcus Copeland

- Bernice Pruitt: Is this where you were "cream of corn"?
- Birdee Pruitt: "Queen of Corn" honey. Three years running.
Mae Whitman - Bernice Pruitt
Sandra Bullock - Birdee Pruitt

“I'm married! I'm beautiful!”
Sophie Lee - Tania Degano

“I advise women on their lipstick, base and eyeliner. But you should all know about make-up. Your wives must be geishas.”

Gennie Nevinson - Deidre Chambers