“You think you'r the only person with reproductive organs. I'm gonna have this fucking baby. I'm gonna have this baby and my baby is gonna sell drugs to your baby on the playground. Do you know that. You fucking bitch.”
Jennifer Tilly - Jo

“- Jillian Armacost: I'm scared.
- Spencer Armacost: Well, I'd think it would be strange if a first time mother wasn't scared.”
Charlize Theron - Jillian Armacost
Johnny Depp - Commander Spencer Armacost

“- George Peters: Doris, what the hell is the matter?
- Doris: If memory serves me correctly, I just had a labor pain.
- George Peters: You can't have. It must be indigestion.
- Doris: No, there's a difference. Indigestion doesn't make you eyes bug out.”
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“It feels like I'm shitting a knife!”

Amy Poehler - Angie

“- Stan Bobcruz: Do the pattern breathing, come on.
- Darcy Elliot Bobrucz: Screw the pattern breathing, I want a painkiller!”

Randall Batinkoff - Stan Bobrucz
Molly Ringwald - Darcy Elliot Bobrucz