“I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas Brothers make out with three Robert Pattinsons. It was amazing.”

Aubrey Plaza - April Ludgate

“- Ethan: Will everybody at the prom be gay?
- Jonah: Yeah. That's why they call it the gay and lesbian prom, moron.”
Skyler Fortgang - Ethan
Ezra Miller - Jonah

“Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter, you just hit a seventy-three.”

Geoffrey Rush - Stephen Price

“- Peaches: I'm having a dinner party Friday night, we're short one man.
- Oscar Madison: How about Abe here, he's a short man.
- Peaches: You can run Oscar, but you can't hide! See ya.
- Oscar Madison: Oh, that's such an original expression. I hate a woman who talks like Muhammed Ali.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Alice: We don't even have an apartment. How can we have a dinner party?
- Charlotte: Well, its another incentive to get one.”
Chloë Sevigny - Alice
Kate Beckinsale - Charlotte