- Nun: Let me get this straight: you don't believe in God because of "Alice in Wonderland"?
- Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass".
Betty Aberlin - Nun
Matt Damon - Loki

“- The Old Man Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
- Mother Parker: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
- The Old Man Parker: How the hell did you know that?
- Mother Parker: Everybody knows that!”
Darren McGavin - The Old Man Parker
Melinda Dillon - Mother Parker

- Professor Edward Alcott: I'm sure if she were alive, Betty Friedan would applaud your little epiphany.
- Dora Diamond: Oh really? Well, if Kafka was still alive he'd say "Stop misinterpreting my novels, you pretentious bonehead!"
Greg Kinnear - Prof. Edward Alcott
Mena Suvari - Dora Diamond

“Well that was bloody Shakespearian. Do you know who Shakespeare is? He wrote the King James Bible.”
Brendan Gleeson - Walter 'Monk' McGinn

- Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "to thine own self be true".
- Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
- Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
- Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
Susan Mohun - Heather
Alicia Silverstone - Cher