“God, Jeanie, I don't know how you could even talk to that guy. I mean like, he looks like a... he could hypnotize you like a cobra or something you know, and the next thing you're out on the Boulevard and you're dressed like the Pointer Sisters.”

Marilyn Kagan - Madge

“I can't see it working for me. I never got the urge, you know? A lot of great-looking women in the world. I never met one made me wanna give up all the others.”

William Hurt - Richie Cusack

“- Queen Constantina: So many beautiful girls! He'll meet someone tonight.
- King Maximillian: And if he doesn't?
- Queen Constantina: This ball will never end!”
Whoopi Goldberg - Queen Constantina
Victor Garber - King Maximillian

“- Lionel: Don't worry your majesties he'll meet someone tonight. I can feel it in my bones.
- Queen Constantina: You'll feel it in your bones if he doesn't.”
Jason Alexander - Lionel
Whoopi Goldberg - Queen Constantina

“- Beulah Blanton: Zack I have found the perfect woman for you! She's the most beautiful woman in town and she's available.
- Zack Blanton: Women die.”
Debbie Reynolds - Beulah Blanton
Sean Patrick Flanery - Zack Blanton