“- Winifred Sanderson: Twist the bones and bend the back.
- Sarah, Mary Sanderson: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca.
- Winifred Sanderson: Trim him of his baby fat.
- Sarah, Mary Sanderson: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca.
- Winifred Sanderson: Give him fur black as black, just...
- Mary Sanderson: Like...
- Sarah: This!”
Bette Midler - Winifred
Sarah Jessica Parker - Sarah
Kathy Najimy - Mary

- Paul Philips: Franny! Watch your mouth!
- Franny Philips: Daddy, you're such a prude!
- Paul Philips: I didn't say "shit" until I was eighteen years old... and no one thought I was retarded.

John Lithgow - Paul Philips
Trini Alvarado - Franny Philips

“You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.”

Cary Grant - Mortimer Brewster

“- Danny: I would marry you tomorrow! I would have children with you, dozens and dozens of children!
- Taxi Driver: Let's hope they look like the mother.”

Jude Law - Danny
Don Pugsley - Taxi Driver

“- Victoria Everglot: Since I was a child, I've dreamt of my wedding day. I always hoped to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Silly, isn't it?
- Victor Van Dort: Yes, silly. No. No, not at all, no.”
Emily Watson - Victoria Everglot
Johnny Depp - Victor Van Dort