“It's strange I should be dead? I was young and healthy and I felt swell when I went to bed! So, why did I die?”
Joan Blondell - Gail Richards

“At least she died healthy.”

Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Sgt. Rita Pompano

“- Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
- Big Chuck: He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!
- Dr. Bronson: Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?”
Austin Pendleton - Dr. Bronson
Paul Dooley - Big Chuck

“- CC Bloom: Hmm. Marge, you ought to cut down on the gasoline. It's bad for the complexion.
- Hillary: She could be dead.
- CC Bloom: Nah. If she was dead she would've dropped the bottle.”

Bette Midler - CC Bloom
Barbara Hershey - Hillary Whitney Essex

“- Chris Porter: Well sir, you look real good.
- Al Haynes: I tell you, it sure beats rigor mortis.”

Tom O'Brien - Chris Porter
Charlton Heston - Captain Al Haynes