“- Keaton: His name's Verbal. Verbal Kint.
- McManus: Verbal?
- Keaton: Yeah.
- Verbal: 'Roger', really. People say I talk too much.
- Hockney: Yeah, I was just gonna tell you to shut up.”
Gabriel Byrne - Keaton
Stephen Baldwin - McManus
Kevin Spacey - Verbal
Kevin Pollak - Hockney

“- Tweeter: Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.
- Billy Bob: That's funny.
- Tweeter: Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.”
Scott Caan - Tweeter
Ron Lester - Billy Bob

“- Melissa: He spoke to me!
- Girl #2: He called you Connie!
- Melissa: So?
- Girl #2: Your name is Melissa!”
Ashlee Levitch - Melissa
Vanessa Lee Chester - Girl #2

“- Newt Dobbs: Gus, are you sure the Captain is my father?
- Augustus 'Gus' McCrae: Yep, he is.
- Newt Dobbs: He ain't never mentioned it.
- Augustus 'Gus' McCrae: Well, Woodrow ain't much of a mentioner.”
Ricky Schroder - Newt Dobbs
Robert Duvall - Augustus 'Gus' McCrae

“I got a cactus in my bathroom but we got nothing to say to each other.”

Walter Matthau - Max Goldman