“- Evan Baxter: I can't shave. Whenever I shave it just grows back!
- Marty: That's what happens when you shave. But then you shave again!”

Steve Carrell - Evan Baxter
John Michael Higgins - Marty

“Get rid of the beard. You look like a goddamn terrorist.”

Danny Aiello - Joe Bella

“How'd you like a little trim on that moustache, Ron?”

Michael Keaton - Jack

“How do you cut yourself shaving in the fucking bathtub? That's just fucking clumsy. Who shaves in a bathtub anyway? Only chicks take baths.”

Chris Gauthier - Hector Passmore

“- Virginia Venit: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
- Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
- Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
- Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams did have a beard.”

Julie Bowen - Virginia Venit
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore
Christopher McDonald - Shooter McGavin
Lee Trevino - Lee Trevino