“- Kay Bentley: She's an old schoolmate of mine from grammar school.
- Michael Shayne: I haven't seen any old girls.
- Kay Bentley: She's not old - about my age.
- Michael Shayne: And still going to grammar school? She's a little mentally round-shouldered!”
Lynn Bari - Kay Bentley
Lloyd Nolan - Michael Shayne

“- Mrs. Caypor: Do you understand German, Mr. Marvin?
- Robert Marvin: No, but I speak it fluently.”
Florence Kahn - Mrs. Caypor
Robert Young - Robert Marvin

“- Oscar Madison: If you didn't have the brains to pee back at the airport, how could you possibly read that sign?
- Felix Ungar: Reading and peeing are two different things!
- Oscar Madison: At your age you're lucky you can do either one.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“- George: Mr. Murtaugh has a gun.
- Martin Riggs: Yeah, but it's an old gun and he's not a very good shot.”
Allan Dean Moore - George
Mel Gibson - Martin Riggs

“- Professor Albright: How are you feeling?
- Young Damian: It's that new body smell.
- Professor Albright: A sense of humor, good... Just relax and have some fun. After all, at your age, I'd say you've earned it.”
Matthew Goode - Albright
Ryan Reynolds - Young Damian