“- Caroline McKay: Maybe our luck will change.
- Charlie Lait: Not as long as Elliott is after the mail contract.
- Caroline McKay: You mean Elliott is our bad luck?”
Virginia Vale - Caroline McKay
Carl Stockdale - Charlie Lait

“I want you to send whatever you can afford. If you've got a thousand dollars in the bank, don't be afraid to send the whole thousand dollars.”
R. Lee Ermey - Jimmy Lee Farnsworth

“Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.”
Michael Cerveris - Frank

“Here on Stork Mountain we take baby delivery seriously. I'm here to finally unveil our new and improved Human Infant Production Facility.”
Kelsey Grammer - Hunter

“- Mrs. Gardner: We’re going to destroy the whole roof!
- Nate: We have to replace the chimney with a slide for when the storks deliver my baby brother.”
Jennifer Aniston - Mrs. Gardner
Anton Starkman - Nate