- Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free?".
- TS Quint: She didn't!
- Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point.
Jason Lee - Brodie
Jeremy London - TS Quint

“I'm not my father, Diane, just like you're not your father. If we were our fathers, what we did last night would only be legal in Arkansas.”
Jay Mohr - Anthony 'Tony' Cortino

“Alright. Stop right there... and I'll bring back the sun. Okay...
[shows a picture from his wallet]
This is my sister. You can all have her. I hear she's very good.”

Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“- Romy White: You have absolutely no proof that you're cuter.
- Michele Weinberger: Oh, proof. You want proof? Ok, fine. Who lost their virginity first?
- Romy White: Oh, big wow, with your cousin Barry. I wouldn't brag about it.”
Mira Sorvino - Romy White
Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger

“- Randolph: You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?
- Jeremy Grey: Jam, I...
- Randolph: Listen man, the family dog lives downstairs. I can wake him up for you if you like. His name is Snooky.”
Ron Canada - Randolph
Vince Vaughn - Jeremy Grey