“Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah! Uh, might I suggest that you try lowering your standards, you know? Because, really, we all would like to date a supermodel, or a fine lady, like, uh, Delta Burke. You know? But, uh, that may not always be possible, and that is why God invented the skank.”

Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“- Meredith Blake: Have you seen your father?
- Hallie: You talking to me?
- Meredith Blake: Who are you, Robert De Niro? Yes, I am talking to you.”

Elaine Hendrix - Meredith Blake
Lindsay Lohan - Hallie Parker

“- Albert Goldman: Don't give me that tone!
- Armand Goldman: What tone?
- Albert Goldman: That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
- Armand Goldman: You're not a woman.
- Albert Goldman: Oh, you bastard!”
Nathan Lane - Albert Goldman
Robin Williams - Armand Goldman

“Iris? Oh yeah, she's a big conquest. She's given more rides than Greyhound!”

Amanda Peterson - Cindy Mancini

“- Barbara: Why wouldn't we go out with Ronald. I mean he's cute and sweet...
- Patty: And good...
[Cindy and Barbara stare at her]
- Patty: Come on, a lady never talks.
- Cindy Mancini: Well I'll have to remember that the next time I see one.”
Tina Caspary - Barbara
Darcy DeMoss - Patty
Amanda Peterson - Cindy Mancini